through the smoke, and from time to time groaning faintly.
People disappeared, reappeared, made plans to go somewhere, and then lost each other,
searched for each other, found each other a few feet away.
Some time toward midnight Tom Buchanan and Mrs. Wilson stood face to face discussing, i
n impassioned voices, whether Mrs. Wilson had any right
to mention Daisy’s name.
“Daisy! Daisy! Daisy!”
shouted Mrs. Wilson. “I’ll say it whenever I want to! Daisy! Dai ——”
Making a short deft movement, Tom Buchanan
broke her nose
with his open hand.
Then there were bloody towels upon the bath-room floor,
and women’s voices scolding,
and high over the confusion a long broken wail of pain.
I think you could have arranged it a little better trying to make it sort of rhyme. I like your picture showing aggression but the poem describes that he broke her noes with an open hand.
ReplyDelete@Brianna thanks for the advise, I will put it in use if there is a next time. & as for the picture...that was the closest, not as violent picture I could find.
DeleteI like this poem but don't you think you could've put the stanzas better so one letter wouldn't be left out?
ReplyDelete@vanessa yes, now that I look at in depth I could of.
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